Confessions

I'm supposed to be someone who's so strong that even the demons would fear yeah?

But what if I actually like those demons

What if I actually like their company, the feeling that someone is actually with me.

Sounds sad and down bad horrifying I know but it is what it is.

This isn't a suicide note,

it's more of a therapy session.

A confession if you will.

So the drugs have helped I guess.

It sounds self-destructive I know,

But the thing is that my life has been moving too fast, way too fast.

The drugs slowed everything down, 

and then, for an hour,

Everything becomes quiet.

It all just goes down,

and there's this mellow feeling.

For an hour, you feel like you can lose control and not give a crap about anything.

For an hour, it feels like you're free.

The liquor has also helped in a way too.

Helped drown my thoughts.

Then they start floating again.

I really feel guilty actually.

I feel guilty because my parents see me as this strong, happy child of theirs who has everything together and is doing well.

Thing is that, that child disappeared years ago.

His innocence lost,

His love withering.

His happiness hanging on a thread.

I'm really trying, honest.

I've actually started praying again yunno

Trying to gather all of my faith and hopes piece by piece.

Trying to get closer to God.

Trying to find my purpose cause I have parents who expect a lot from me.

Trying to live right cause my younger ones look up to me. 

Trying to live for my friends cause they've been helping, a whole lot.

Even though we don't have shit together.

Also, I met someone new.

I'm not having huge expectations and all but there's this tiny feeling that hopes there'll be something.

We'll see how that goes (*crosses fingers)

I really hope I find my true happiness back.

Hope I don't let my family and friends down cause they don't deserve this version of me.

I hope my friends find true happiness and peace cause they freaking deserve it.

And I really hope it's all worth it in the end.