Adeife's wurld

She was never going to be a hero. She tried to be, But it was never in her. Never in her blood. To her, anger was better than grief. Better than pain, Better than guilt. She would burn the world down if it would ease her suffering. People called her broken, But she wasn't. She wasn't a victim of any form of abuse, neglect or whatever. She was just different. Might regard her as a psychopath but she prefers to be called "creative". Her beauty, dangerous Her intellect, lethal. She thought she didn't want or need love. All she wanted was power. To be like a god. She loved and ached for it.   And what's more powerful than the ability to create and destroy.

Have you ever loved someone? Truthfully speaking, it's beautiful, and amazing. Especially when they love you back, you can't phantom the words.  It's like you've been dreaming about someone, and now you're living the dream with that someone.  It always feels so thrilling to hear them say your name, because for a second you know, Or feel you are the only thing on their mind.  For a second, you knew you took up as much space in their mind as they always do in yours. You look at them with so much awe and most times you forget to blink.  To you, they look like art, In form of a beautiful poem. You ever felt something like that? She never fitted anywhere, at least to the people who didn't know her. To me she did. Not to sound cheesy but she fitted perfectly well in my life, my heart. Okay that sounded really cheesy. I really don't understand the concept of what "love" is  but I really like how she makes me feel. My eyes have met many but only got lost i...

It was 3am and we laughing our lungs out and I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I wasn't looking for you but you found me I guess you're the one cause my destiny holds you tight. Only a soul as beautiful as hers can turn a devil's kiss into an Angel's whisper. If I had a penny for every time I think about you, all I'll have is one cent.  Cause you never leave my mind. She dashingly beautiful, but it was her pure soul that caught my eye. The thing about people today is that we're so focused on physical beauty, we don't know how much a soul can feed us. Sometimes I fell like I don't deserve you. You're like the soothing wind, I'm like a freaking raging storm. We're incompatible. But, There is just something about you that makes me feel a little more alive and far less lost and empty. She's my Van Gogh, such a work of art. This is where my love lies, in such a scarred yet beautiful heart. Please don't make me fal...

I guess it took me a while to realize that monsters don't live under my bed. They live in my mind, screaming at and scratching on the happy thoughts I have left. It took me a while to realize that love isn't easy and easy love isn't real. I took me to listen to a song for 3 minutes 21 seconds to remember so much. Love is an ocean that I swam in with the wrong person and I drowned. Let's put breakups aside for a moment yeah?  You ever been more than friends with a person? Like you're passed the point where you care so much about them.  Too much infact. Then they just leave, disappear. Gone with no reason whatsoever.  Stuffs like that changes you, painfully. After all the painful, anxious, the good and the extremely terrifying days that I've gone through. Nah, scratch that,  I'm still walking down the excruciating path but I'll get there, eventually, hopefully. I've come to realize somethings, An epiphany if you will. Realized that falling in lov...

I'm supposed to be someone who's so strong that even the demons would fear yeah? But what if I actually like those demons What if I actually like their company, the feeling that someone is actually with me. Sounds sad and down bad horrifying I know but it is what it is. This isn't a suicide note, it's more of a therapy session. A confession if you will. So the drugs have helped I guess. It sounds self-destructive I know, But the thing is that my life has been moving too fast, way too fast. The drugs slowed everything down,  and then, for an hour, Everything becomes quiet. It all just goes down, and there's this mellow feeling. For an hour, you feel like you can lose control and not give a crap about anything. For an hour, it feels like you're free. The liquor has also helped in a way too. Helped drown my thoughts. Then they start floating again. I really feel guilty actually. I feel guilty because my parents see me as this strong, happy child of thei...

Someone once said, "close that window that hurts you, no matter how beautiful the view is".  And honestly speaking, I felt that. You could say that I'm making progress now. At least now I'm dancing to the songs I used to cry to.  Some people say that I'm too sensitive but the truth is I just feel too much. Every word, Every action and every energy goes straight to my heart. You could say that I'm caring but I just comfort others with words I want to hear. My mind and heart finally agreed on something you know? My mind says it doesn't need a perfect relationship, While my heart just needs someone who won't give up on me. Still, it's one thing to need it, it's another thing to have it. Apparently the world isn't a wish granting factory. But really though, I don't mind having just one person. Even if the whole world was against me I'll still keep living because that one person needs me. You see I busy myself a lot these days. I busy my...