Midnight conversations

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Why am I so stressed and tired?
I don't know..
Maybe it's because at 4am, I'm alone.
Maybe because this world is so freaking cruel.
Maybe it's just because I feel tired of everything.

Why am I sad?
I'm not to be honest.
I'm just empty.
I feel numb.
It feels like my soul hurts but I still can't feel.
I can feel but I can't.
Why am I so angry?
The truth is I've felt sad for a so long it has turned into anger.

What's wrong?
A lot of things.
Sometimes I lose track.
I feel like there's a never ending storm in my mind.
The voices in my head are getting louder especially at night.
I try to tell myself that I'm okay but they keep repeating that I'm not.
I just haven't felt alright in a long time.

Do my family and friends know about this or have they noticed?
I haven't told anyone about it. I just don't want to bother anyone about how "fantastic" my life is. 
Heck sometimes I don't even understand how I feel talkless of explaining to them.
I don't want them to burden themselves with knowing that their happy child has been in a coma for a while now.

Right now I have a friend called memory and he loves my former bestfriend. 
He asks of her all the time.
Intoxicated with sadness,
In love with the darkness.

I just want peace.
I want the voices in my head to shut up
I want my old happy self, with light in my eyes on hope in my heart because I'm too young to be going through this.
I just want someone to hug me and tell me that nothing is wrong with me.
I want to be not good at being not okay.

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